Thursday, June 6, 2013

Somethin' Funny.





So, FinnigantheCurious and I were making zucchini bread on Monday.




If I can extract him from the computer for 14 seconds he usually enjoys cooking quite a bit.

Especially when it involves carbs and sugar.

He is not a dumbass.

Anyway, I always make my zucchini bread with mostly whole wheat flour.

This time I bought some Hodgson Mill's flour and I was reading the back of the package while he was eating stirring the stuff up.




You're gonna have to read that second paragraph before we go on or none of this is gonna make much sense.

It's not gonna make much sense anyway, but you're not doing anything important right now, so what the hell, right?




So I'm reading all about Mr. Graham and how he advised to "... get enough sleep and rest on a hard mattress, take cold baths and showers, drink pure water only when thirsty, eat 3 meals a day precisely 6 hours apart, wear loose clothing and practice cheerfulness at mealtime."

In my head I got kinda tickled because I was adding things to this statement like, oh, 

abstain from all sexual relations unless procreation is the goal thereby rendering relations unavoidable.

and

refrain from  singing, dancing or the consumption of alcohol.

and

avoid loud or forward women.


I was laughing at myself because what on earth about that little bio on Mr. Graham would conjure up such silliness in my head?
 

Still, I had a feeling, so I Wikki'd him:



Graham was also inspired by the temperance movement and preached that a vegetarian diet was a cure for alcoholism, and, more importantly, sexual urges. The main thrust of his teachings was to curb lust. While alcohol had useful medicinal qualities, it should never be abused by social drinking. For Graham, an unhealthy diet stimulated excessive sexual desire which irritated the body and caused disease. While Graham developed a significant following known as Grahamites, he was also ridiculed by the media and the public for his unwavering zealotry. According to newspaper records[which?], many women fainted at his lectures when he aired opinions both on sexual relations and the wearing of corsets.




See there?!?

I was right, dammit!  I was.

Hoo Haw.

He died when he was only 57 so, so much for all that advice he gave out.

I do like the idea of practicing cheerfulness at mealtime and for sure I like the idea to  drink pure water only when thirsty.

I get so tired of forcing myself to drink all the water I'm supposed to drink.

8 glasses a day.

Sheesh.

I like to drink a big glass with lemon when I wake up and then just when I get thirsty.

Well, I don't like to drink that big glass in the morning, but I do it because my friend Mo said that I should because it gets everything all working and I can see now that she is right.

What I really enjoy in the morning is a giant cup of strong as hell tea with cream and lots of sugar.

That's my advice for longevity.

Drink something you look forward to!  

Every night when I go to bed I swear I think about that big cup of tea that is only some hours away.

That and a big slab of zucchini bread slathered with butter.

This plays right into Mr. Graham's advice to wear loose clothing.

I am alll about the loose clothing, y'all.





Finnigan and I fight over the crusty ends which you cannot really see here.

We each get an end and then we each get a soft middle piece too.

I even bought some decaf PG Tips so Finn could have a strong cup of tea without blowing his brain up.

That's what so nice about being and "older" mama.  

You get to be more like a grandma in a lot of ways cuz you know there's only so much you can do. 

You can give them spelt and microgreens and flax seed all day long, but when the shit hits the fan it's sweet tea and bread they're gonna run to.

Or whatever.

You know what I mean.



That was a whole lotta nothing about nothing, wasn't it?

Glad to be of service.

Oh, listen, at 1 pm today I want you to envision me being very successful and doing a great job!!!

I don't wanna elaborate too much right now, but I do want you to send me strong vibes of SUCCESS.

OK?

Don't be a slacker now, all-right?  

Set your alarm.

If I get the job, I'll make you some tea and zucchini bread.





 


8 comments:

  1. You look forward to a cuppa hot, sweet tea in the morning. I look forward to your blog.
    Whatever it is that is going on at 1PM I am going to be zapping success for you and telling the other end of the equation that you are the very best at anything.
    Merrymerry

    ReplyDelete
  2. Me Too! What are you up to now??? Love the post today. You just keep on ramblin' cuz us fans love it. Gimme some of that bread right now - but I want a cup of strong coffee full of sugar and cream. What are you up to?? I'm plotzin' to know but I zap you constantly so an extra one won't be hard. You better tell us one way or the other or I'm comin' up there and shake you good!
    ms mdd

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good thing I'm not there in the kitchen, because while you and Finn were fighting over the crusty ends, yours truly would be busy chomping on one! Looks soooo good! Oh, yeah, just so you know, I'm the one in the loose clothing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well...I'm just getting around to reading this. I was having lots of fun spreading mulch, at 1:00 p.m. So, I'll send some good vibes retroactively. There...did you feel it?

    Hope whatever you're up to comes out the way you want.

    The bread looks great.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hope you did well at 1!! oxxo Can't wait to hear what it's all about.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I was...wait now, what WAS I doing at 1? Well, not reading on my computer, so sorry to say. I too add my after-the-fact positive waves to the airways and fingers crossed it all works out for the best. The zuke bread looks fabulous - we are low carbing it around here to try and keep from busting right out of our loose clothing. Funny - I was watching a bake-off contest on TV and they were making graham crackers and talking about the Rev. Graham and his ideas about clean living and healthy eating. Once something shows up some days it is suddenly everywhere, you know?

    ReplyDelete
  7. This sentence: "The main thrust of his teachings was to curb lust."

    That cracked me up. You know that verb was chosen deliberately.

    I was actually kinda liking a lot of his advice until you gave me the Wikipedia info. I'd love to see what regular sleep, more water, and looser clothing might do for me.

    Hope you smashed it at 1:00.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I, as well as Rita, could not help seeing the funny in the "thrust" statement.

    Talk about Hoo haw....

    This post made me immeasurably happy. Don't know why. Maybe it was reading the second paragraph and then thinking exactly what you wrote about it.

    Died at 57, huh? Yeah. I'm gonna stick to my dark chocolate and crazy married monkey sex. A little fun never hurt no one.

    And the crusty ends of banana bread are my favorite, too.

    ReplyDelete

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