After today, I will move on.
A part of me doesn't want to.
It feels wrong - to move on.
We cannot stay here though, can we?
We must raise our eyes to the day and be alive.
And so we will, but I know I will do so tentatively and with reservation.
I will think of my little Charlotte Bacon every day.
I thank all of you who took my lead and picked a person to remember every day for one year.
I went back and added Adam Lanza to the list as well.
He is our child too.
Here is the last vintage photograph I have of me with Santa.
Isn't that some sweetness?
I remember that dress so well.
I wonder what that little pin is that I'm wearing on the front of it?
You can't see through my hesitant smile, but I'm missing my front teeth.
I keep thinking about the baby teeth of those children.
They should have all lost a tooth or two by 6, right?
Can you imagine that? Those parents clutching a baby tooth.
No words for that kind of pain.
No words at all.
My dear friend and neighbor, Lorri, sent me this beautiful passage from a website she visits.
I thought it was so wonderful that I wanted to pass it on to you on this last day of mourning here with me.
It's from a website called The Power Path.
There is a lot of really, really good stuff there. I do hope you take a moment to check it out.
Yesterday's massacre in a Connecticut school has left us once again
holding another large scale trauma in our collective. Incidents such as
this one have been part of a larger pattern of aggressive, predatory and
violent behavior which has been prevalent in our global society as a
pattern for a very very long time. It is truly time to change the
pattern whatever it takes.
So in the next 24 hours if you can please light a candle for a time
of prayer for the victims, and in the spirit of December's theme of
forgiveness, forgive the pattern that has dominated the way of the
collective up to this point, and that has driven us to operating out of
fear instead of love.
To help those who are the victims of this particular event, take a
rattle or a drum or two clicking sticks and use these tools to release
their spirits from the pattern. Thank them for their sacrifice so that
the rest of us can wake up. Using the same tools, help those who are the
victims of the trauma to release what they can of the energy of the
And lastly look into your own heart and forgive yourself for any time
you have acted out of hate, envy, fear or revenge, or have been
aggressive or mean-spirited towards another human being. Find a way to
love yourself more in these times with compassion and forgiveness.
If we are to shift successfully as a collective into a new pattern of
responsibility and relationship driven by love and not fear, we must do
this. Let those who have died to wake us up not die in vain.
With compassion, forgiveness and blessings,
I really like this: "... forgive yourself for any time you have acted out of hate, envy, fear or revenge, or have been aggressive or mean-spirited towards another human being. ..."
I close my eyes and breathe that sentiment in deeply.
My friend, Christi said (typed) this to me yesterday:
"Whenever I find myself
paralyzed by this crazy, fucked up world we live in I come to a point where I
have to choose to either let the despair envelop me or break out and do
something....anything. So, I'm at that point and have decided to do as
much good as I possibly can. It won't change the laws, policies or
societal bullshit (although I do plan to work on that too) but it will make
the world of the people around me a little better, and I expect they will do the
same and the love will spread exponentially."
Isn't that so right-on?
I just love that.
Thank you, Christi. (And I can't wait to show you the beautiful swag she gave me.)
So ... let's, shall we?
Let's all get out there and just do as much good as we possibly can.