Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Bathroom Bitch

FIRST....omg the rice thing worked!!!!

I have my camera back and will not "get into trouble" after all.

Holy freaking WHEW, y'all.

Actually, it looks like there are rain spots on the lens, but they don't show up in the photos which is weird, but who cares, right?


Thanks so much! for all your good ideas and positive vibes.  xoxoxox

Now that that little dilemma is all settled,  I wanna bitch about my bathroom that, by all accounts, is so pretty, but is grating on me like I'm a hunka,  hunka cheese.

Here's the pretty part:

So pretty, right?

I was obsessed with that tile when we ("we" meaning Jackdaddy) had the bathroom down to the rafters.

Oh, it is soooo pretty and mod and spa-like and ocean-like and all things dreamy and mermaidy.

The shower:

Mmmmm, green.

Mermaid green.  

I actually think it's called something horrid like Fairway.

Ugh, golf.

I call it Mermaid though and so that's what it is.

Here's the rub ...

When I bought this tile at the wonderful tile store over here on Anderson Lane - The Tile Guy - my tile dude, the lovely John, tried really, really hard to educate me on why I really, really should not use white grout.

I could not be convinced as I am as hard-headed as they come when it comes to design.

Poor John.  

Smart John.

Stupid, stupid me.

The white grout is fucked in every imaginable way.

Oh look! There's even a random fish oil supplement on the floor.  Lovely.

I swear to the goddess that I have just scrubbed that floor.


Really, really deep stains that happened instantly.

This grout was white white white when it was installed.

Fourteen seconds after moving in it looked like this.

Plus our tile installer was a shithead stupid ass and so the tile is popping out all over the place all the time.

(Don't tell Jackdaddy, but I just put a glob of craft glue in the hole and stick the tile back in.)

It's so much easier than putting that official glue shit on there and neither one of them works.

At all.

I really want to rip that tile out and start over.

Sick, right?

Starving people right down the street, I imagine, and I want to re-tile my crappy ass bathroom.


I want this:

Subway tile.


Dark grout.

Course, I have "nothing to do" and might as well just rip out an entire bathroom floor to replace it with new tile.

It's a tiny bathroom, but it's my only bathroom.

The thought of 3 people with one bathroom whose floor is ripped up is more than I can handle. 


I might freaking freak out and do it because I can just crowbar that shit up and lay this stuff down in a jiffy.

Jiffy being relative, of course.

I dunno...I'm a psycho.

I just loooooove that subway tile look and I feel like crying or killing something every time  I look at all the evil stained dirtiness of the floor now.

wahhh wahhhhh.

On a lighter note, you know what makes me soooo happy?

Seriously, if I lived alone I would so tile that whole bathroom in tattoo tiles.

SO, so, so tile that bathroom in tattoo tiles.

I'm not gonna do a damn thing about any of it, of course, but it was fun whining to ye, matey.


  1. I just KNEW the rice would work. It had to, and that's that. As for the tile, I wonder if you could paint it? That's a stupid idea - but still .. there are amazing products out there these days.
    ms mdd

    1. I think there is tile that can be painted, but not glass. It would be poopy. I wish.

  2. In the house we are buying, there is a brown turlet and sink in a similar but much more unfortunate shade. Oh, and hi-gloss even! It will be one of the first things to go. That toilet is like some kind of blackhole to the seventies. Literally. It makes the bathroom a big poopy downer. I can save it for you?

    1. Miss E... are you saving the blackhole (which it literally is, if you think about it hahaah), I'm gonna pass on that. HAR HAR.

      I am going to use the phrase, "unfortunate shade" all the time now. I LOVE that phrase. So kind and yet so ... obvious. heee haw

    2. LOL. You don't want to partake of its stain-hiding abilities? And it's not just brown, it's hobo-crap brown. The glaze has depth and variation which I reckon fit right into that earthy handmade vibe of the seventies. I'm tempted to turn it into some sort of yard art involving a fat granny bending over. I did say I was trying to bring a little southern color to the PNW, right?

  3. See? Rice is good for something! ;) Oh, I love your blue and green bathroom. I would be so sad to see it go, can you just replace the grout? Cause, it's all about me in case you didn't know that. oxxo

    1. Well, crap, I KNOW. I love that tile too. It's beyond gorgeous but it's HOSED. I'm going to look into some kind of industrial grout cleaner (IK!). I hate to, but I may have to.

      It IS all about you. And ME ME ME ME!!!


  4. Hey why don't you consider to paint over the tiles. I know you can and they say it does come off in a few yrs. But that is not a big deal. But also you can re-tile over tiles as well?

    Just something to think about.......But I heard you can put tile over tile!

    Congrats on the camera...........I so know how you feel!


    1. Yep, I can tile over tile.

      I could tile over tile if I lived alone.

      Jackdaddy would shit a brick.

      Plus, then he would not get to use a crowbar and he lives to use the crowbar.

      I, myself, would like to use a giant hammer and bust that stuff UP.

  5. Hey, what is that wooden thingamjig hugging your toilet just below the rim? Your green shower tile is beautiful!

    1. It's a SQUATTY POTTY!

      Sickeningly cute name, great product.

      It raises your knees above your pooper for healthier bowel movements.

      This is a WHOLE poop thread, isn't it? hahahahah

      My kid had a lot of poop issues when he was younger, as many kids do, the SP helped and I just kinda like it.

    Before you do ANYTHING I would talk to John at the tile store on Anderson Lane. Painting tile? Tile over tile? Paint comes off and tile over tile means ripping out the baseboards to accomodate the new height. Plus the height around the base of the toilet would be different. ASK JOHN FIRST.
    It is prolly just easier to whine.


    1. hahaha. It IS easier to whine.

      John would sell me some brown subway tiles, that's what John would do.

      I love John because he looks JUST like Michael Stipe of REM and I LOVE Michael Stipe therefore I love John. And also because John is the sweetest, most soft-spoken person. He kind of cringes when I come in, but he likes me too.

  7. lol
    Love the green, but love the brown as well! I know...I am NO help!

    1. Well, we're both no help are we cuz I love the green and I'm gonna love that brown too.

      I'm also just on a brown kick. My brown slipcover got me going.

  8. Thanks to Anonymous, I noticed you have a poop stool too!! I just use an old kiddy stool, but what a difference it makes!!

    1. Hee Hee.

      I real this as "poop stool tool."

      Which it is!!!


All the action is here in the comments. You want some action, don't you?