This Moment.

Inspired by Soulemama.com

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Love Always Wins.

I don't talk about too much about it for various reasons, but I'm assuming that most of you know that we homeschool here at The Wabi-Sabi House.  

We practice a type of homeschooling called unschooling.  Some call it Life Learning, or Child-led Learning, or Consensual Living.  

Whatever you call it, we do it, and we love it.  

I cannot even begin to express how much we love the way we live, and how fortunate I consider myself to be able to live this way. 

So, today I am taking a leap of faith and showing you a little bit of that side of my life. 

I wrote the following post almost 3 years ago and posted in on my private unschooling blog.  

I am submitting it for an unschooling  Blog Carnival that starts next week.  

The theme for the carnival in February is LOVE. 

I chose not to edit it in any way, although I was tempted to soften it.

I can hardly read it.

It brings me back to that painful, awful day in way that is almost unbearable.  

But it's worth reading because it is about love, and how brutal and ugly love can look sometimes. 

It's worth reading because it is about love, and how beautiful and cleansing love can be.  

It's worth reading because it's about how much grace there is in love.

It is worth reading because, at the end of the day, love wins, even if it doesn't seem like it in the moment. 

Love Always Wins.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Love, Regret, and Pizza

I was really shitty to my boy yesterday.

I mean really shitty. Not "grouchy" or "thoughtless," but out and out mean.

It's hard to talk about, but I know that we've all done it. 

I decided it might help me lay down the burden of it if I just put it out there.

I "lost it" because I had expectations and they were not met. 

I wanted to go the unschooling park day and visit with friends, and I wanted Finn to play with the other children or at least just play on the playscape so I could have a chance to NOT play with him. 

Well, firstly, it wasn't park day. My days have been really off for some reason (maybe this lingering flu/cough/malaise/plague?). 

That put me in a grouchy mood. I wanted to connect with some mamas, especially one I have been trying to connect with for awhile. 

Then Finny was really needing me to stay close. Close as in RIGHT THERE EVERY SECOND. I followed him around for a while and then I told him I was gonna sit right there and just watch while he climbed. 

About, oh, 5 seconds later he came over and said he was surrrre feeling hungry and thirsty (we had plans to go eat pizza after being at the park). 

At this point I was just overtaken by a demon mother. 

Where she came from, I have no idea. I hope to never meet her again. 

I grabbed my keys and stormed out of the park with him running behind me ... sobbing ... it got worse before it got better. 

I said some ugly things that I can't even bring myself to remember much less write. 

We were both crying as we drove to the pizza place. 

I'm still not sure why we even went to the pizza place, but we did.

We got inside and I ordered his pizza. 

I came and sat down at the table and we both started crying and crying. 

I took him in my arms and rocked him while sobbing my apologies. 

The sweet pizza guy boxed our food up without being asked and we drove home. We climbed on the couch and held each other for an hour. 

I cried and cried and told him how terribly, terribly sorry I was. 

I told him all that I thought had happened, and he listened and we talked. 

He said it was all OK. That he was mad and sad, but that he knew I didn't mean what I said and that he loved me anyway.

I asked him to try and tell me how he feels when we are somewhere and he can't play without me. 

HOW that feels inside him - to help me better understand. 

He said, and I quote (with tears streaming down my face):

"When you're far away from me my heart feels very tiny. When I know you're close by, it feels bigger. My heart feels better when it is bigger. It feels scary when it's tiny."

SO, today we had a redo. 

We went to the same park and I told him that I would stay right with him and play with him and stay just as close as he needed me. 

We had a really good time. 

I figure today is Day One of being the best mama I can be. 

I can't do anything about yesterday that I haven't already done, but I sure can try not to do that again. 

Expectations! They are just the cause of so much crap in my life. 

That's my new goal - I'm trying to stay in the moment and out of expectation. 

I am actually grateful for that terrible few moments. 

They were a reminder to me of who and what I do not want to be. 

They provided me with valuable contrast. The contrast between who I want to be and who I sometimes am. 

I HATED the way I felt when I was so mad. 

I choose to try and not feel that way anymore. 

Now, I have this experience of "when I go to the park with Finn I need to not have any expectations of how he will play." 

I have that information now and I will choose to use it. 

I am growing. 

OW.

Thank god my sweet son and I have a relationship that is based in love and respect so that days like this "never" happen. 

I know we're not permanently wounded by my crap. 

We're raw and tender, but really OK.  

I am astounded by how much I love him, and even more astounded by how much he loves me.

Desire.

I'm still brewing a giant talk about meal planning and cutting down my outrageous food budget.

Um, yea, still brewing that out because it feels like work to talk about it and I don't want to work right now.  

I want to look at Etsy.  weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Oh, crap I want this.  
An elephant doorstop.  I need a doorstop, actually.
That, apparently, is Miss Baba the Circus Elephant.
Find her at this delightful little shop:  NEXT DOOR TO HEAVEN




I also want this ...

HOLY s*** (does one put punctuation after asterisk cursing?)  
A tiny fox.
I really do "need" a tiny fox.
You can buy it here: MIJBIL CREATURES








And this.
I'm dying ... just dying, dying, dying ...

Ahoy to that!
More locket love HERE




I'm so buying this ...

Don't buy it for me, OK?  I'm buying it.  
In blue.
FinnigantheCurious likes blue.
Get your own here: LELUNI


Must stop Etsying.
Must meal plan.

How to Make a Fort.

FinnigantheCurious has been reading a wonderful book series called Warriors by Erin Hunter. 

The books are about some clans of cats that live in the forest and all of their comings and goings, and fights, and truces, and fires, and floods, and the ever dreaded humans!  

They really are super fun and we've all be enjoying them immensely.

Reading the books led to him role-playing in real life (of course).  But trying to play clans with one boring mama gets old so, it was time to call in the troops.  

We've got some kids coming over to play tomorrow and that means that we needed a CAT CAVE!

Hmmmm....how does one make a cat cave?

Well, you start with your every day, run-o-the-mill, ubiquitous, boring playscape thingee.

 BEFORE

Then you get a staple gun, some cable ties and loppers.  

Go around your messy, overgrown yard, and get busy cutting.

Staple, tie, wrap, and stuff all the branches to your playscape.

Then you have this!:

 AFTER

 BEFORE

 AFTER

 BEFORE (Last one.)

AFTER

Last bulk pick-up day I went around and gathered old rugs from my neighbors. 

We folded all those up and put them on the top and bottom for extra coziness.  

Added some old ratty outdoor pillows (that had been waiting patiently for recovering that never happened. sigh.).

Filled up the treasure chest with hermetically sealed snacks and ...

VOILA!  Cat Cave!

Jack and I tricked it all out as a surprise for him.  

When he came out to see it he said, "HOLY SHIT!"

I think that means he likes it.  Heeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Now it's time for the kids to do their part.  First on the list, so I'm told, is signs.

Every clan needs their own sign, of course: 

Thunder Clan

Wind Clan

River Clan

Shadow Clan 

(Aren't you excited already?)

We probably need a CAT CAVE sign.  

And what good is a fort or cat cave without a KEEP OUT sign?

I also bought some paper mache masks so the kids can paint their own cat.  Previewed here:

Meow, y'all.

This Moment

Inspired by Soulemama.com


" A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember."

Purchased at [Buy] Love Life.

The Amazing Door-o-Vision!

Oh mah gawd, y'all wanna do something crazy fun today?

Go over to CRESTVIEW DOORS and play around with the Door-o-Vision.  

What the hell, you ask? 

OK, so, Crestview Doors is this bad ass company that sells beautiful doors.  Well, actually, they sell door light kits that you (or an authorized trusty door dude) install in your existing door to make it cooler than cool.  They specialize in MCM and post-war looks, but really and truly ANY house or door would look genius with these kits.  They also sell these crazy cool screen things, and I think they even sell doors now. Again. Maybe.  

Oh, who cares, it's the THE best site and they have this crazy sh*tbomb thing called:

Door-o-Vision 

Door-o-Vision is just THE best thing ever invented times a million.  (You know I am such a house geek that I can sit around and play on this site for hours.  Hours.  Really.)

So, you go over there and you upload a picture of your house and then there's a little template thingee that lets you choose your door style, and the color, and the kind of glass you want, and the hardware, etc., etc..  You create your dream door and then it applies it to the photo of your house and then you can see just what the doors will look like.  

GENIUS. 

I wish I could do this with everything! (Like what if there was a Butt-o-Vision and you could put your face on Beyonce's body.  Or Gams-o-Vision and you could have Jennifer Aniston's legs on your body.  Then you could post it to Facebook as your own and hope that you never run into anyone in real life ever again. Oh mah lawd...YES!)

Dude.  I have created every single combination possible with the Door-o-Vision and then some, but I think this is my favorite. 

Oh double doors, how I love and want thee.

This is  "The Parkway" in "Pumpkin."  
Aren't they swanky as all get out? Double doors, y'all.

Now, you know me, I had a hard time toning it down.  Sometimes I picked the busiest door, and made each door a different color!  Holy crap, can you imagine?  I can!  (Jackdaddy would expire on the spot, I'm sure of it.) 

I also looooove "The Fontenot."

Seriously!!! Is that fabulous, or whut?

This one looks better because I finally got the size right so that the door trim would show.  I loooove my door trim.

Go on over there and play around, or just lose yourself in the gallery section.  

Oh honey, lemme tell ya, I get a BIG ol' case of the green monster in that gallery area. Super fabulous homes with super fabulous doors.  Sometimes you get a little peek inside the house too, and that thrills me to no end.

Sigh. Want.  Super, super want.

Y'all go down and click on that one lonely ad at the bottom of my blog.  If you all click it 567,990,888 times, I'll make about $7.00 and I can start a Crestview Doors fund.

Word.

Long Terminus Succulentus.

Can you BELIEVE how amazing my succulent bed looks now?!!!
I mean, can you BELIEVE it?

Yea, me neither.
Truth be told, I found this picture on PIECE OF EDEN blog.  Apparently, it's the Corona del Mar "Sherman Gardens" take on the coral reef look.  (Oh, to live in Corona del Mar....sigh.)


My LAWD, that is just the most beautiful thing ever.


Anyway, I got to thinking about this utterly desperate spot in my yard.  No matter what I do it still looks like total crap.  Total, total crap. 
BUT, it gets some really good filtered light off and on all day, and it's protected from wind and cold by the house and fence, and, and, and, well, my mind is kind of churning with  how it might be an outstanding place for a big honkin' succulent bed. 


I do pretty well with them here at The Wabi-Sabi House ...

That's my front porch corner.  They get as much sun here as they will on that side spot, and these do quite well.  
I suppose they would grow faster if they had more sun, but they do grow, and they keep their shape, and oh, they are eeeeeasy.  
I like easy.  
Easy like Sunday morning.  (Love me some Lionel.)


So...I'm thinking I might try it.


I'm embarrassed to even show you the super crap side.
Actually, I'm not embarrassed at all; not sure why I said that.  
You don't care. We all have our crap sides.  (In more ways than one, right?)

Yea.  
Lovely, huh?  (Is that picture crooked?  Must just be all the crookedness within it that's throwing me off.)


There is potential, though.  I can feel it.  I've just been mulling on it all these years, knowing that something would come to me.
That's a Crepe Myrtle there in the middle and it puts on quite a show in the summer so that's good.  There's nothing to dig out, and that is very, very good.
I've got tons of these giant cement pieces hanging around that I just knew I would use someday.  They'll make a great border for a big raised bed. 

Oh, gosh, I dunno.  
They look so good just sitting there like that, maybe I should leave them?  HAHAHA. 


Blech.  I have shite like this all over my yard.  "Someday" piles, I like to call them. 


So, anyway, this project will take years and years, but I like that idea actually.
I'll make the big raised bed, move in some nice rocks, maybe some big colorful pots to take up space for a while, and then just start sticking 'em in there!  
I have a little ritual whereby I buy one little succulent every time I go to Lowes or to a nursery.  That $4 never hurts too much, and little by little, the pots get filled in.  Succulents are so easy to propagate too.  I just pinch a piece off one, stick it somewhere else, and it usually takes off.  Sometimes nada, but most times a little sumpin' gets started.  
Maybe I'll make a plan to hit up East Austin Succulents every month when I get my allowance.  (I'll leave the credit card at home and just take a bit o' the green.  Safer that way.)


If you wanna have some succulent love today, go over to Debra Lee Baldwin's blog.  She's kind of the queen of succulent pushers these days, and you can get a eyeful on her site.


Pam Penick has a bitchin' succulent wall that she built out of cinder blocks that I love.


Hell, you can just Google "succulent garden bed" and spend the next 14 hours daydreaming. 


I just can't get enough of 'em. 

All-righty then.  A garden post!  How about that?


If you're so inclined, please take a moment today to send some love up/out to Dr. King.   And maybe do a little service today, if you can?  That's the best way to memorialize him, if you ask me - do something selfless for someone else.  I think Dr. King would most like that.  
You might want to treat yourself to watching that famous "I Have A Dream" speech on Youtube as well. 
I  like THIS ONE.  
It never fails to send chills up my spine.
I wonder what this old world would be like today if he were still alive?  Sigh.  
Happy Trails, Dr. King, you were one in a million.